At what point to do you admit to yourself that you can no longer support yourself? At what point do you realize the your life is worthless to the person who says he loves you and says he TRIES to show you every day? At what point do you admit you are wrong and attempt to make things better for yourself? When you turn to the one person you know who can tell you the truth, make you laugh and cry at the same time, and also be there through every little infraction for the past about, let us say, 4 years, and he says, no matter what has happened between us, YOU NEVER HELD ME BACK. YOU WERE NEVER A HINDRANCE to me, and yet that man who says he loves you says you are a hindrance. At that point you turn to that one person who actually loves you as the person you are, with insecurities and all, and say "Hey, you lookin' to move back home? GOOD! I need out, let us help each other and make everything easier for us,. Let us try living together in a place that we can trust each other and know that EVERYTHING CAN WORK!!!" I also have come to the realization that I need a new job, a new area, and a new look (I went back to the wonderful RED hair that I love SO FUCKING MUCH!!) I miss myself, I miss knowing that my man wants me with every fiber of his body, in every way shape and form that he can have me. I miss knowing that I am worth something that can make a difference in someone's life... I need a new class of person, of man and that one person, that one I TRUST WITH EVERYTHING can help me to understand me, and show me what I deserve to have in my life... Unfortunately I am easily used and highly easy to hurt, thankfully, that one person knows ME for ME and I can tell that person when to not joke with me and NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!! Wow, I miss me.....

What do I do about my fear?
Do I face it
Or do I hide?
Should I talk
Or just hold it inside?

Is it just my insecurities
Or is it something that is actually there?

What will tell me who to trust
Who will tell me if my instincts are right
Or if they are wrong?

Should I talk
Or just hold it inside?
Should I stand
Or just walk on by?

Is it just my insecurities
Or is something really there?

What do I do about my fear?

Do I believe what I'm told or let my heart do the thinking?
Should I question more or just believe?
Buck the system that I've put in place or just let things roll,
With the possibilities of getting hurt.
Should I just enjoy the time I have or just stop time in general?

I realize I have no answers,
Not even to help myself.
I feel helpless,
Yet limitless.
I can do what I want when I want,
And yet I crave something...
Something that I am afraid of,
Something that will always hurt me.

What I crave I fear I will not find.
I try and try,
Yet it runs the other way.
When I give up I think I find it,
And everything comes crashing down again.
Reality sets in...

I am not who they think I am.
I am Independent, Strong, Willful, Formidable, Trusting.
I am dependent, weak, scared, sorrowful, distrustful.
I do not Cry, Beg, or Plead.
I cry myself to sleep some nights, I beg to be wanted again, I plead for a life I will never have.
I am Responsible, Beautiful, Confident.
I am forgetful, forgettable, unwanted.

No one has ever truly known me.
No one has ever gotten close.
To let someone in is to ask for pain.
To be to close is to want to be hurt.
No one gets close, No one gets hurt.

I would wan t to teleport because it would be so easy to go anywhere. I could go visit my freinds and family when ever i want. (Even better i could visit my boyfirend while he is away)!

 And your point is?

 Vampires.... There is something beautiful and mysterious about have to live of the life force of something you once were.... To know someone so intimately as you possibly can through the act of taking their life through drinking their is .... seductive and just absolutely sexual. it is the sex act for vampires as well as a way to stay alive....

 I would make my eyes a brighter blue and my hair a natural red like julia roberts in pretty woman... I might increase my bust a size bigger. Basically everything i want i can get w/ hair dye, contacts, exercise, or a little bit of surgery.

One day.....
I will know what it is to trust
One day....
I will know what it is to forgive
One day....
I will know what it is to forget
One day...
I will know the touch of true love
One day...

One day....
I will know my worth
One day......
I will actually believe in the future
One day....
My insecurities won't control me
One day....
I won't feel like i don't belong
One day....

One day....
All of my dreams will come true
One day....
I will be the person i want to be
One day...
I will prove everyone wrong
One day....
I will battle my depression and win
One day.....

Today is not that day........